Dearest Diary,

I can honestly say that every single time I think of Nick the baby kicks. 

Maybe it’s because my heart beats faster. Maybe it’s because my son can feel the smile on my face. I couldn’t tell you. 

I can tell you though, that I am more and more in love with him while he’s not looking for anything in me. 

Knowing that also makes my son kick. Maybe it’s the sorrow. Maybe it’s because my heart is in my throat. 

Lovingly,

Your Writer

Dearest Diary,
Last night, I fell asleep thinking about how I used to sleep with Nick. His arm strung along the pillows, my face buried in his chest. My cold feet entangled in his ankles. He’d run his fingers through my hair sometimes. I loved when he did.
At times, when Jack couldn’t sleep he’d come get in bed with us. Nick would insist Jack laid on the otherside, but Jack liked to sleep next to me. Nick would sigh and tell me it was okay if I didn’t want Jack laying next to me. I reassured him it was fine.
Our sleep was similar to sleeping without Jack. Just slightly different. Jack would be sleeping against me, holding close. My feet were still entangled with Nick’s ankles, his arm still running along the pillows. Cocooned around Jack.
I miss them. I do. I miss that sleep.
Lovingly,
Your writer

Dearest Diary,

I turned 20 today. Nothing too special. And all I want is for my ex to confess that he still loves me. Here’s the story.

Fall last year I started dating this guy named Nick. Nick has a son named Jack. I fell head over heels in love with them both. I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life loving them. Jack was the greatest little guy. Nick was a wonderful guy. We were happy. Really. 

He was the first guy I ever spent the night with. I was there all the time. Making dinner for them, baking them cookies and other goods. I did dishes, laundry and took care of them. It was wonderful. Perfect.

When he very abruptly broke things off I was devastated. How had things gone so wrong? 

Yesterday, I had texted him for the first time since we ended things. A lot has happened since then. I got pregnant(while on birth control), and decided to keep the baby. He congratulated me, and then told me why we actually broke up.

I had dated his friend, Dennis, in my Freshman year of high school. Dennis was threatening to drop Nick as a friend if he didn’t drop me as a girlfriend. Dennis was engaged when Nick and I dated, and it was four and a half years after our short relationship. He really had no reason to be so upset about Nick and I.

I don’t know. I just wish things with Nick and I were back to normal. I still love him. 

Lovingly,

Your Writer